I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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