I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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