And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
