she looked like the before picture.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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