the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I checked into jail on foursquare
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
