is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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