you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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