I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
