so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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