I just threw up on my dentist
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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