Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
