Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
