I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize