Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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