The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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