i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
