okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
