I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
