Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need a burrito and a hug.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
