U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
