Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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