fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
