They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
