Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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