what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
