So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
