I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
