Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
