You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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