Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
