as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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