She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
