I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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