One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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