I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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