It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
