I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
