i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
