please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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