so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
