Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
