I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize