I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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