Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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