If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
