I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
