If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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