the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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