no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
