the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
