toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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