im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize