I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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