I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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