Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
