how can u be prego again
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
