I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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