Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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