I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
