the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
