If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He felt like a one man threesome
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Found the puke drawer
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
