The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The adults are the big ones right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize