Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
