Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
