its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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