why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
